Jews for Jesus – the “frienemy of our time”!

Some years ago, a young rabbi at my shul used the term “frienemy” to illustrate the kind of person you trust, only to find that you have been betrayed.

Something that historians haven’t focused on very much (certainly not in the History I course at UCT, where it was taught by nice Christian lecturers who also overlooked the Spanish Inquisition and who thought the Crusades were a pretty neat idea) – is the commercial role which Christianity played in the European colonisation of every continent outside Europe.

One of the partners in my firm is a senior member of his Dutch Reformed Church (a very large congregation which hosts three successive services on a Sunday morning, each attracting a full house of 2,000 attendees) (halevai we should do this, instead of waiting for a minyan … ), where he has the formal title of “Ouderling” (“elder”). He tells me that his Minister tells the congregation that each of them is a “Missionary for Christ”, and that it is the duty of each one of them to get out there and spread the good word.

This is the mindset that we are up against. Our attitude to our faith is diametrically opposed to this. We don’t try to ram our belief down anyone’s throat.

But Christianity has economic motives which are seldom highlighted.

When those Christian missionaries, with their kindly palefaces, soft melodious voices and gentle hands moved into the rainforests of South America and the vast Savannahs of Central Africa, their task may have seemed heavenly, but they were the vanguard of a rapacious temporal force: even as they explained to the grubby locals that their beliefs were inferior and their spiritual vision was pathetic, that they were fundamentally flawed and doomed to eternal damnation unless they adopted Christianity – even as they did all this, behind them came the trappers and the traders, the carpetbaggers, slave-traders, gold, diamond and oil prospectors … and in no time at all, the poor old locals were carrying their bags, scrubbing their floors, selling their own children into prostitution to pay for their daily necessities…. you know, the old story, from Cape To Cairo and all points of the compass …

At least the Muslims were less devious: convert, or die … but through vast stretches of history, Christians have been our frienemies: they have loved us to death, and never more so than since 1948 – and never in greater numbers than through organisations like Jews for Jesus.

Like hyenas stalking a flock of sheep, they pick off the weakest ones at the back.

It’s scary: Christianity has created an entire industry – worldwide, international, multiracial, multilingual, interdisciplinary, with staff who have devoted their entire lives to the cause, complete with all the normal corporate employment benefits - with the single-minded purpose of converting us! – They don’t think of it as destroying us (oh, Heaven forfiend!) – no, they think of it as SAVING us! Hey, isn’t that great, guys! How thoughtful of them! They took ALL THAT TROUBLE to come here and SAVE us poor ignorant Jews! Isn’t that awesome?

Some years ago I noticed a cunning fund-raising technique used by the IUA and the UCF: I hadn’t increased my stop-order for a while, things weren’t so good for me, and I ignored their appeals in that regard. Frankly, I was hoping that they would overlook me for a while. One day I got a telephone call from an old university friend. Could he come and see me? – Yes of course, I said, I was delighted to hear from him – indeed, more than delighted.

And over he came – and with him was another old classmate, who I also had not seen for years, although we lived in the same city. I was over the moon. This was wonderful! I still had no idea why they were there. For a while the air was full of bonhomie, we swapped old stories, we got up to date on each other’s lives – you know how these things go …

And then their tone changed. They became serious. There was a pause. Down to business, I thought, and I was right.

The one reached forward and raised his briefcase onto his lap, opened it, took out a folder, leaned forward again, sighed heavily and looked earnestly into my eyes. “Old friend” he began, “it has been a long while … “
I hung onto every word
“since you increased your IUA debit order …”

So, now, here’s the thing: if he had been a random stranger, it would have been relatively easy to brush him off, to explain that the tide of my finances was at an ebb, that right now wasn’t a good time, etc., etc., - but these were my old classmates, we had just a minute ago been swapping stories about how successful we had all been since graduation day! How could I say any of those things now? – Not to one of them, mind you, but to two! What choice did I have but to take a deep breath, smile weakly, and agree? Of course I increased that debit order …

This is the secret to the success of the J for J crowd: originally, perhaps, they had to rely on the tortuous argument that all Christians are basically Jews with a turbocharger, and perhaps the original J for J personnel weren’t Jews as we understand that concept at all, and merely Christian missionaries: but as the years have gone by their ranks have been filled by failed Jews from amongst our own people, to the point where the original Christian missionaries are invisible and where we have contact with this organisation, we find ourselves dealing with people who were once members of our own religion – and who claim, confusingly, that they still are!

I had a secretary who always wore a small Magen David on a neck-chain. She was a cheeky, aggressive, outspoken ex-Israeli who had the bizarre habit of saying to people, “Don’t talk to me like that! I’m an Israeli!” – as if somehow that was a trump card in all arguments. Then one day I heard a tinkling sound from her neck-chain and I noticed that another item had been added: a small silver crucifix rubbed cheerfully against the Magen David, producing the tinkling sound. She saw my expression and said, “They go together. They belong together. You should come to Beit Ariel, you’ll see!” I started to reply and she said, “Don’t talk to me! I’m an Israeli!” – so I didn’t. This was a woman of above-average intelligence who had qualified as a lawyer, and even practiced as one, before deciding that she didn’t want the responsibility of the job and ended up working as a legal secretary. She may have been a little eccentric but she wasn’t ignorant – either in secular or religious matters.

But she had a restless soul, and in the absence of proper guidance, look what happened to her! – And she wouldn’t let me talk to her, because, apparently, she was an Israeli … !

So now, when we deal with J for J, we are dealing with failed members of our own tribe, and its harder to deal with them than with plain old Christian missionaries. Sometimes they are people who we know, and we just assumed that they went to another shul in another suburb. I am extremely perturbed by the number of elderly Jewish folk in Sea Point who don’t seem to understand the difference, and end up going to “Beit Ariel” on Friday evenings. Ask them why and they will tell you that it’s because for the first time they understand what’s going on in the service … !

Sometimes I walk past there on a Friday evening and I hear the clapping and the Hebrew singing (phonetically spelled words projected onto an overhead screen) and the guitars and organ music and I think terrible thoughts. I wonder how much petrol it would take to burn the place down, and then I remember that many of the people in there are known to me – nice, well-intentioned but failed Jews who just got lost somewhere along the way. It’s a tragedy happening before our eyes.

Failed Jews are our burden. They are entirely our fault. That should never happen: they are a measure of the extent to which we have failed to practice ahavat Yisrael. There are groups amongst our own people who have rendered their faith into such an exclusivist, selective, snobbish religion that they have repelled more ignorant Jews and instead of drawing them near, they have alienated them, hung them out to dry, let the hyenas take them. Under those circumstances, don’t cry crocodile tears when you see them going through the doorway into Beit Ariel or similar “shuls”!

Now, how do we deal with the hyenas? Is Ant right? Would a stiff “zets” do the trick? Remember that these people actually want to be martyrs: they don’t want us to turn the other cheek: that’s their leader’s exhortation to them – they want to be the ones to turn the other cheek. They actually want us to give them a “zets”, so that they can exploit the publicity and play the victim. Remember, Yoske died for our sins! The more we sin, the more they win!

On the other hand, they would never try this with the Muslims (funny thing, that: there don’t seem to be many Christian organisations out there trying to convert the Muslims!) The Muslims, rightly or wrongly, would be out there, beheading people and blowing things up to register their “outrage” at such activities. – Is this the way for us to go? – I’ve said it before, I don’t think we should take our lead from them …

But I’m concerned about Ant’s report of an elderly lady being harassed in the Norwood Mall. That sort of activity takes things to a different level. The first thing that comes to mind is a possible CSO presence (not permanently – that would be impossible), but the community could be asked to call in to the CSO hotline when Jews for Jesus are spotted and perhaps the CSO could ensure a discreet presence in that vicinity. I have no doubt that they will be noticed, but I doubt that they will ever be required to take any action.

In fact, all the CSO training I ever had was focused on a different type of scenario to that presented by Jews for Jesus, and perhaps things have changed since my day, but if not, perhaps the CSO could give some thought to developing a strategy for dealing with these people. I believe that the modern CSO is sufficiently sophisticated to develop an appropriate training model and procedure for this – unless this is really the territory of Jews for Judaism, in which case perhaps this is an opportunity to create a joint task force consisting of members of Jews for Judaism and the CSO, who could work together regularly on call-outs of this kind. I imagine this would involve a “good cop/bad cop” approach which should be able to operate without escalating the violence.

That Israeli who Ant refers to really needs to be given a hiding badly. Let him go practise his zeal on some elderly Muslim lady in a Lenasia shopping mall. That should be fun.